Bye Bye Baby!

On the eve of Nyah's first birthday and launch from baby to toddler, I felt it necessary to enter some thoughts about our first year.

At this time last year, I was 9 months pregnant (to the day) and was experiencing the most excruciatingly painful contractions thanks to pitocin! The anesthesiologist had been paged but had not yet arrived and I was rocking back and forth on the ball trying to breathe through every contraction getting only a few seconds of rest between them. I did not know that in a matter of hours I would forget the pain and would be focusing, through teary eyes, on the precious face of my very own baby girl! (I knew I was having a baby just didn’t know it was Nyah)

1 year later I find myself rocking back and forth in a rocking chair, holding my daughter, who is more precious to me than my own life. Holding my little girl willing her to stay a baby forever but at the same time looking forward to all the mother-daughter moments we will share. Praying for her future to be bright and full of opportunities. Hoping that I can support her in all that she desires to do with her life and be there for her when she needs me.

Tonight, as I bathed her, nursed her, kissed her, snuggled with her, read to her, played with her and lay her to rest for the night, I looked at my baby who would wake up tomorrow morning a toddler. I know it is a matter of a few hours and nothing will change but the date and time, but for me it is a huge event!!

This past year I have seen my tiny baby, grow and develop into this smart little person with thoughts, interests, feelings, ideas and a wild personality! I have delighted in her smile, her laugh, her curious expressions and her mischievous eyes. I have stressed over her eating, sleeping, teething, gassiness, fevers and millions of irrational “what if” scenarios!

I have struggled with conflicting theories on raising children and have had to make many decisions that will affect the rest of Nyah’s life. She and I have to live with these decisions and see them through because I made them with her best interests in mind and I have to believe that she will thrive as a result of every decision I have made for her. But as with any decisions, there is that feeling of “what if I made the wrong choice?”

There is no word to describe my first year as a mother. Fabulous and Unbelievable don’t seem to quite capture how huge of an impact Nyah has had in my life. I find that I have grown along with her this past year and I have seen changes in my ideas and opinions that I never thought would change. I have learned so much from her in just one year that I can’t imagine what she has in store for me in the years to come.

Tonight as I said goodnight to my precious baby, I tell myself that tomorrow morning I will wake up to my beautiful, happy, vivacious and loving toddler who will no doubt be thinking up some mischief for the day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NYAH!!! I LOVE YOU!!!